Being a nurse holds a big responsibility. We work dreadfully hard as we are expected to, we save lives then go home and leave all burdens of death, hassles and deadlines in the workplace. That’s it. My life was typically as normal as that for yearssssssss of working in the intensive care unit. But things changed when I needed to head the area. It was surprisingly….extraordinary.

Sabi ko nga, when I was offered the position, matatakasan ko pa ulit ‘tong responsibility na to. It was a “Maam, pwede pag – isipan ko po muna?” and “May iba pa po ba pwede mag head?”or “ Maam, sigurado po ba kayo na ako talaga?”  answer. Pero hindi eh, it started with an offer for such title in my waterloo area and an opportunity granted by a former ICU HN. It was all about the ICU and so the journey begins.

It was challenging. At the same time masaya naman. It was not easy, dear! My goodness!My first year as HN was a rollercoaster ride. Malay ko ba sa pagiging head. Malay ko ba sa budget plan, malay ko ba sa strategic planning, isang katerbang meetingsssssss, memos, coordinations, seminars, staffing at kung anu – ano pa. Dati keri na sa akin ang gising, kaen , trabaho, tingin sked, uwi. Ok na yun. Pero super nag – iba lahat pag head nurse ka na pala.

Kasabay ng pagiging head ko ang pagtrain ng mga bagong staff. I mean lumang bago na staff na narotate sa icu dahil sa resignation sa ibang area. Malay ko ba na madadamay ako. Kung walang nagresign, tahimik pa sana ang buhay ko. hahahah! Natuto ako magseryoso  Kasabay nun ang pag – init ng ulo ko minsan at pagsusungit pag may mga kalokohang ginagawa ang staff, maling endorsements, makalat na nurse’s station, nakababad na bedpans at suction bottles at higit sa lahat absences dahil sa lovelife. Bilang resulta, nararamdaman ko ang takot ng mga bagong staff dahil sa endorsement sa pagiging dragona ko sa area. Natuto ako maging tubero, janitor, maintenance, call center agent, pintor, artist, dancer, singer, waitress, clown, teacher, principal, magician, artista at garbage collector sa area ko na never ko nagawa nung simpleng staff nurse lang ako.  Pero natuto ako MAS mag – alala at mag – alaga ng staff, pasyente at ng buong unit. Kung dati uuwi lang ako at manunuod ng tv, kaen, fb, ngayon, magstay pa ako ng kaunti sa area, aalis pag stabilized na tas pag – uwi, magtetext pa ko kung ok sila tas pag hindi ako makatanggap ng reply, kakabahan na ko, kaya tatawag ako yun pala eh nakaen lang sila kaya di nakareply.

Nung naging head ata ako naging paranoid na ko sa mga bagay – bagay . Siguro dahil sa ayoko nahihrapan ang staff ko sa area o napapagalitan. Kasi alam kong papatawag nanaman ako sa office nyan tas wala akong kamalay – malay. Hahahah! It is not easy being an icu nurse, hindi dahil malamig sa area at 5 bed capacity lang ang hawak namin e chill kami sa loob hindi alam ng iba na  – isang katerbang drama po ang nangyayare sa loob ng ICU. Kaya ramdam ko din ang pag kaburn out ng mga staff at feeling ko na it’s my responsibility to boost them up. Responsibility ng HN na imotivate ang staff. Kaya minsan feeling ko nanay ako dahil sa mga pangaral at reminders, na kailangan sabihin sa kanila.  

Meron akong 7 makukulit  pero magagaling na staff sa icu. Iba’t ibang personality kaya iba’t iba ang approach sa kanila. Dahil sa kanila, naramdaman ko na matanda na ko dahil pag pinagsasabihan ko sila gumagamit ako ng phrases “ nung panahon ko…” “ Ganyan na ba mga bata ngayon……” “ dati hindi pwede yung ganyan na…” o kaya in the middle ng pagliligo ko may biglang tatawag sa akin para magtanong ng computation ng dobutamine drip o kung pwede ba magpahiram ng infusion pump. Parang nanay, it’s like teaching your staff to walk, to read and to write, instead I guided them through their start of their duty days. An ICU HN teaches them how to read ECG tracings, Interpret ABG results, properly write orders and charting, to refer and talk to doctors, patients and most of all toxic relatives, how to be firm and to bring out the best in each of them.

Oo,I get mad too, but I talk to them as adults and professionals. I get disappointed at them sometimes when they get too careless because I knew they knew what to do at the first place but failed to. I may punish them when being too lax or reward them for a job well done. I make sure they are the best that they can be at work and as a person - That no one can underestimate them even if I am not with them, that they could do things on their own even on my absence. So when it was time to gradually leave them on their duty shifts, I know I could go home and have a good night sleep because they could handle any possible circumstance that may happen in the unit.I am sure enough there is nothing that they can’t handle. And that satisfies and fulfills me as I go home. Other staff may perceive me as a terror HN but it was all for the best of my staff and the unit that I was doing. Walang personalan.

But the most rewarding of all is seeing my staff pursuing their dreams outside the corners of the ICU.  Sabi nga nila may mga paalam na Masaya naman pero malungkot. Masaya kasi alam mo sa  journey na yun, naging parte ka sa tagumpay nila, kasabay na din ng pagkadapa nila at pagkatuto. Malungkot kasi hindi mo sila makakasama physically sa duty. Nakakamiss yung presence, yung routine, yung pangbubully at yung mga pangaral. Siguro malungkot din kasi sila yung first batch ng staff na nakasama ko sa simula ng pagiging head ko. Isa din sila sa rason kung bakit ako pumayag maging HN dahil alam kong susuportahan ako ng mga kasama ko.  Sa kanila ako natuto mag – enjoy, mag wake boarding,  makilala si Christian grey, mag ilusyong mayaman, tumawa sa kasagsagan ng katoxican, magkaonline shop, kumaen at umorder ng kung anu - ano  at higit sa lahat, manindigan. I have no regrets. Hindi naman siguro magiging consisitent na most commendable area at top 3 best area ang ICU kung hindi dahil sa mga batang ‘to.

They may be misinterpreted at times because of their playful personality, but I rest assure you, they are very serious with their craft inside the ICU, hardcore nurses at its best indeed! It was a great joy ride and I will continue to support my staff in all the endeavors they will be undergoing. Kaya siguro the hardest part of being an HN din is seeing your staff’s name out of the sked na gagawin mo next rotation. to my former ICU staff,your great  leap on your individual careers as ICU nurses is my achievement too. And so, I set aside my firm heart, and my soft side showed as they sign off on their last duty as my staff and me signing off as their HN. You will always be part of the ICU family. ICU goes international na talaga!

For this next batch of ICU staff, I’ll be doing the same way too. We’ll train and work together and just like the ICU stigma… we’ll keep things rollin and rockin’ in the best and fun way possible!:)

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Katy Perry